Acquiring the Audacity for Chastity

Sunday, February 7, 2010

“S-e-x is a test when I’m pressed
So back off with less of that zest
Impress this brother with a life of virtue
The innocence that’s spent is gonna hurt you
Safe is the way they say to play
But then again safe ain’t safe at all today
So just wait for the mate that’s straight from God
Don’t give it up ’til you tie the knot”  -Dc Talk lyrics

Today more than ever, sexuality is being exploited and ridiculed. It’s everywhere you turn–movies, television, magazines, newspapers, advertisements, music, and on the internet. Four out of five sitcoms contain sexual content along with nine out of ten movies according to a recent study by the Kaiser Family Foundation. Also it was recently found that almost three-quarters of the articles published in women’s magazines today are devoted to sexual topics. It’s also one of the most conversional topics among the America’s youth today. The illusion is now that abstinence is old fashioned and doesn’t work. The popular opinion is that safe sex should be taught in schools today, because abstinence education isn’t working. It all goes back to pushing God’s original design out the door. The sides are being drawn and chastity is quickly being the view thrown out the window with little resistance. But why is this?

Our society’s core problems can directly traced to our incorrect view on sex. The results have aren’t pretty: abortion, homosexuality, pornography, the sky rocking increase in divorce, rape, STDS, and the list goes on and on. It’s left millions damaged spiritually, physically, and emotionally. There are three main myths that a prevalent today on the view of sex. The myth of safe sex is that you’re be safe from the consequences of sex outside of marriage. But this is an oxymoron because even if you escape the physical risks involved, there’s the emotional and spiritual consequences as well. Another myth is if you’re old enough or mature enough, then sex is acceptable. This doesn’t solve any of the problems; it only adds to them. This is just an excuse for people to claim that they’re mature and able to handle the risks involved and it leaves a devasting effect of them. The other big myth is that if you’re “in love”, then sex is proving your love to your significant other. Countless women and men have bought into this lie, leaving a wake of guilt, shame, and heartache. So why should Christians have such a tenacity for chastity? First off, we need to see how God views sex.

For a lot of people sexual abstinence is just a religious rule that makes no sense whatsoever. If it feels good, and is good for the relationship, and both people feel the same way, then what’s the problem? Let’s see what God’s view on sex is:

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8)

First, God says that sex is not a causal thing; instead it is the highest form of connection between a man and a woman. In a physical and spiritual sense, it is all you can give someone. So essentially He tells us–Don’t throw it away lightly!  Also He tells us that we must learn self-control over our own body. Love waits and respects–lust must have what it wants now. Avoid passionate lust. What does this mean? Does this mean you shouldn’t have strong desires or be passionate? No. “Lusters” are people who have divided souls and cannot develop the deeper aspects of themselves for a lasting relationship. Being addicted to lust, they have sexual addictions that are trying to meet deeper needs that they cannot express in a healthy way.  Lust will never satisfy, will never heal your longings, and will demand more and more until it slowly consumes you. Finally, the authority of sexuality comes from God. Our bodies are not our own, they are His. One of God’s greatest tests of submission to Him for us is what we do with our sexuality. Sex is such a powerful and significant desire, that to give it up and obey God in this area is a true sign of worship. By choosing to do want to want with your body, you’re basically rejecting God Himself.

God created sex and created us as sexual beings. He could have created us as genderless, but instead He choose to pattern people after Himself; “Male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27) Our sexual nature is one of God’s greatest gifts. But every part of us seems to interface out sexual nature. Our bodies, minds, and spirits respond to a number of levels of sensuality. We feel the need to touch, to hold, and to express love physically. Our minds are sexually simulated by what we see, what we read, and what we hear. And our spirits yearn for union with another person; the God-designed ideal for two becoming one.  Is it any wonder then when these desires overtake us and we burn out of control? So now the question becomes: How do we gain control over our sexuality? There are three main areas we’ll look at:

First, we need to be held accountable on what we put into our minds. What you watch, read, and hear should be honorable and pleasing to God. Stop adding wood to the blaze! If you continue to play with the fire, you will get burned! Proverbs 6:27-28 asks: “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?” The answer is clearly no. Guard your thoughts very carefully. What you put in your mind will dictate your thoughts and then led to your actions. This can be a magazine your read, a romance novel, a television show, a movie. When you either visually or verbally hear something contrary to God’s message, it distorts your values slowly taking it’s place in your thought process. The more lies and lust we put into our mind, the more distorted our view of sex becomes. So get rid of anything that is dishonoring God and clear your mind of impure thoughts. Getting rid of lust is critical if you want to live a honorable and pure life towards God.                

Next, we must avoid places and situations that tempt us to act out our sexual desires. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way; because you’re just asking for trouble. You may think you’re strong willed and have self-control, but even the most well intentioned person can fall to temptation.  Examine your heart and discover where it is that you are most likely to stumble. Then stay clear of these places and situations, never compromise that you can handle it, or you’re setting yourself up to fall to temptation. This could be home alone with someone of the opposite sex or simply in a public place where there is a strong temptation. Whatever it may be, take no chances or you’re much more likely to compromise your values.

You must set physical boundaries. The wrong question to ask is “How far is too far?” You can’t start a question that presupposes stretching the limits. The Christian life is not about living as close as possible to the edge of immorality, it’s about living as close to possible to Jesus. The question therefore should become “How pure can I be?” The holiness of God is the standard to which we’re called for. By engaging in inappropriate  intimacy now will take away from appropriate intimacy later. With every decision you make for purity, you “save yourself” for marriage. Avoid anything that awakens inappropriate desires in your mind. Whatever it may be, take an inventory of your mind and don’t engage in activities that lead to giving into our lust. So don’t ask yourself how far is too far, instead focus on living with purity honoring your future spouse.

What if you’ve already engaged in sex before marriage? Will God forgive you? Is it too late to start over? The consequences of sexual sin are many: pain, guilt, STDS, unwanted pregnancies, broken relationships, physical abuse, etc. The good news is that God’s forgiveness knows no bounds. In Isaiah 1:18 the LORD says:  “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” God will forgive you regardless of your past and will give you a fresh start.  Ask God for forgiveness to wipe the slate clean. No matter how bad your past is and no matter how fallen away you are, God is right there waiting to lift you up again. Also you must be willing to forgive yourself. Everyone makes a mistakes, so worse than others, but if you want live a healthily, satisfying life you must let go and learn from them. Finally, turn away from your sinful ways. Don’t use God’s grace as an excuse to engage in immorality. When you ask forgiveness, you’re telling God that you’re sorry and you want to follow His ways not your own. This is what grace is all about! Once you do these things you can begin your life of chastity renewed physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

In conclusion, I want to emphasize that although chastity is very hard and is one of the most difficult issues we will be faced with in this life—it’s not impossible! With the media today and the rampant immoral lifestyle of everyone around us among young people especially, the slogan “True love waits” seems more like wishful thinking than reality. If you’re overcome by sexual temptation and can’t seem to overcome it, I strongly suggest seeing a counselor, minister, or a close friend you can trust. Also ask God for guidance and strength for the temptations and battles you’ll inevitably  face. Remember that your sexuality is a gift from God and God wants to give you joy and pleasure in your life. When we obey His commands and live a life of purity He will bless us in ways we couldn’t possibly imagine. Don’t be afraid of your sexuality, take ownership of it. Some Christians grow afraid of their sexuality and avoid it all together. But this is not the way God created us to be. Being “sexy” and attractive is by no means wrong. A sexual drive is normal and God-given and you should not be afraid of it. Just remember what sex was created for–marriage. Within the covenant of a marriage, sex is beautiful and sacred. It is one of life’s great mysteries–two people becoming one flesh: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) If  you it made this long, I encourage you to keep going strong and trust that the wait will be well worth it. If you’re stumbled along the way, I want to encourage you to start fresh again and recommit yourself to want God wants in your life. Only when we return to these principles, will we see a drastic change in our society. Claim the audacity for chastity!

 **Although there are many more issues to address on this topic I don’t have the space or the time to address them all. There are countless Christian resources (books, magazine articles, online articles) that can be researched on this to answer some of the questions I didn’t address. So I encourage you to look to others for help, it you’ve struggling with this issue. As for next weekend with Valentine’s Day coming up I’ll be addressing a much less sensitive, yet interesting topic aimed for the younger crowd, especially singles: What true beauty really looks like in a person: What to look for, moving past the media image, and becoming a person worth pursuing in a dating relationship and in relationships in general. God Bless **

Sources: Jeramy Clark I Gave Dating a Chance. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 2000.

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend Boundaries in Dating. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2000.

Jeramy and Jerusha Clark Define the Relationship. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 2004.

Dr. Henry Cloud How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan