Toy Story

Wit:

Woody: ” SHUT UP! Just, SHUT UP, you idiot!” 
Buzz:  “Sheriff, this is no time to panic.” 
Woody: “This is a perfect time to panic! I’m lost, Andy is gone, they’re gonna move to their new house in two days, AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!”  
Buzz: “My fault? If you hadn’t pushed me out of the window in the first place.”
Woody: “Oh yeah? Well, if you hadn’t shown up with your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me.” 
Buzz: “Don’t talk to me about importance! Because of you, the future of this entire universe is in jeopardy!”
Woody: “WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” 
Buzz:  “Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals this weapon’s only weakness. And  you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!”
Woody:  “YOU ARE A TOY!!! You aren’t the real Buzz Lightyear! You’re – you’re an action figure!”
Woody: “You are a child’s play thing!”
Buzz: “You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. ”
Buzz: “Farewell.”
Woody: “Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony!”

Rex: “What if Andy gets another dinosaur? A mean one? I just don’t think I can take that kind of rejection!”

Rex: “Great! Now I have guilt!”

Buzz: “How dare you open a space man’s helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could have been sucked from their sockets!”

Mr. Potato Head: “Son of a building block! It’s Woody!”

Buzz: “I don’t believe that man’s ever been to medical school!”

Mr. Potato Head: “Hey, a laser! How come you don’t have a laser, Woody?”
Woody: “It’s not a laser! It’s a… It’s a little light bulb that blinks.”
Hamm: “What’s with him?”
Mr. Potato Head:” Laser envy.”

Woody: “What happened to you?”
Buzz: “One minute you’re defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down darjeeling with Marie Antoinette… and her little sister.”

Buzz: “Years of Academy training wasted!…”

Buzz: “I’ve set my laser from stun to kill.”
Woody: “Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em’ to death.”

Mr. Potato Head:” Ages three and up! It’s on my box! Ages three and up! I’m not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool!”

Buzz: “This is an intergalactic emergency. I need to commandeer your vessel to Sector 12. Who’s in charge here?”  
All Aliens: “The CLAW!”
Alien #1: “The claw is our master.”
Alien #2: “The claw chooses who will go and who will stay.”  
Woody: “This is ludicrous.”

Mr. Potato Head: “Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head… hey, I can dream, can’t I?”

Woody: “Tuesday night’s plastic corrosion awareness meeting, was I think, a big success. We’d like to thank Mr. Spell for putting that on for us. Thank you Mr. Spell.”  
Mr. Spell: “You’re. Welcome.”

Woody: “You actually think you’re the Buzz Lightyear? Hey, look, everybody! It’s the real Buzz Lightyear!”
Buzz: “You’re mocking me, aren’t you?”
Woody: “Oh no, no. – Buzz look, an alien!”
Buzz: “Where?”

Woody: “Has everybody picked a moving buddy?”
Hamm: “Moving buddy? You can’t be serious!”
Rex: “I didn’t know we were supposed to have one already!”
Mr. Potato Head: “Do we have to hold hands?”  

Woody: “All right, that’s enough! Look, we’re all very impressed with Andy’s new toy. “
Buzz: “Toy?”
Woody: “T-O-Y, Toy!”
Buzz:“Excuse me, I think the word you’re searching for is “Space Ranger”‘.
Woody: “The word I’m searching for I can’t say because there’s preschool toys present.”

Mr. Potato Head: “That’s *Mister* Potato Head to you, you back stabbing murderer!”  

Mr. Potato Head: “Oh, really? I’m from Playskool.”
Rex: “And I’m from Mattel. Well, I’m not really from Mattel, I’m actually from a smaller company that was purchased by Mattel in a leveraged buyout.”

Rex: “ROAR!” 
Woody: “Hey, how ya doin’, Rex.”
Rex: “Were you scared? Tell me honestly.”
Woody: “I was close to being scared that time. “
Rex:”I’m going for fearsome here, but I just don’t feel it! I’m think I’m just coming off as annoying.”

Wisdom:  

Woody: “Hey, Buzz! You’re flying!”
Buzz: “This isn’t flying, this is falling with style!”

Sid Phillips: “It’s busted.”
Woody: “Who are you calling busted, Buster?”
Sid Phillips: “Huh?”
Woody: “That’s right! I’m talking to you, Sid Philips! We don’t like being blown up, Sid. Or smashed, or torn apart.”
Sid Phillips: “W-we?”
Woody: “That’s right, your toys!”
Woody: “From now on, you must take good care of your toys, because if you don’t, we’ll find out, Sid!” 
Woody: “We toys can see EVERYTHING!” 
Woody: “So play nice!” 

Woody: ” Buzz, you’ve got wings! You glow in the dark! You talk! Your helmet does that, that… *whoosh* thing! You are a cool toy!”
Woody: “As a matter of fact, you’re *too* cool.”

Toy Story 2

Wit:

Tour Guide Barbie: “And this is the Buzz Lightyear aisle. Back in 1995, short-sighted retailers did not order enough dolls to meet demand.”

Slinky Dog: “I may not be a smart dog, but I know what road kill is.”

Buzz Lightyear: “I’ll never give in. You killed my father!”
Emperor Zurg: “No, Buzz. I am your father!”
Buzz Lightyear: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Buzz Lightyear: “Buzz, are you coming?”
Buzz Lightyear #2: “No, I… I have a lot of catching up to do with my dad.”
Emperor Zurg: Good throw, son. That’s my boy! Go long, Buzzy!
Buzz Lightyear #2: “Oh, you’re a great dad. Yippee!”
Buzz Lightyear: “Farewell!”

Buzz Lightyear: “Don’t worry, Woody. In just a few hours you’ll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot Schmoes.”
Woody: “They’re called “S’mores”, Buzz.”
Buzz Lightyear: “Yes, yes. Of course.”

Mr. Potato Head: “Prepare to meet–Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh argh!”

 
Hamm: “Where did you get the cool belt, Buzz?”
Buzz Lightyear #2: “Well, slotted pig, they’re standard issue.”

Mr. Potato Head:” I say we stack ourselves up, push the intercom and pretend we’re delivering a pizza.”
Hamm: “How about a ham sandwich? With fries and a hotdog?”
Rex: “What about me?”
Hamm:“Ah, you can be the toy that comes with the meal.”

Woody: “I have no choice, Buzz. This is my only chance. “
Buzz Lightyear: “To do what? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.”

Buzz Lightyear: “Uh, ma – ma’am? I, uh, um, well, I just wanted to say you’re a bright young woman with a beautiful yarn full of hair. A hair full of yarn. It’s ah… um… I must go.”
Jessie: “Well aren’t you just the sweetest space toy I ever did meet!”

Rex: “How do you spell FBI?”

Aliens: “You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.”
Mrs. Potato Head: “You saved their lives? My hero! They’re so adorable. Let’s adopt them!”

Aliens:“Daddy!”

Stinky Pete: “Idiots! Children destroy toys. You’ll be ruined, forgotten, spending eternity rotting on some landfill. ”
Woody: ” Well, Stinky Pete, I think it’s time you learned the true meaning of playtime.”

Woody:” Here’s your list of things to do while I’m gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell’s seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.”

Rex: “No, no, no, no.”
Buzz Lightyear:“ Oh, you almost had him.”
Rex: “I’m never gonna defeat Zurg!”
Buzz Lightyear: “Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you’re a better Buzz than I am.”
Rex: “But look at my little arms! I can’t press the “fire” button and jump at the same time!”

Mr. Potato Head: “Where is he going? He’s nuts!”
Slinky Dog: “His arm ain’t that bad!”
Rex: “Don’t do it, Woody! We love you!”

Buzz Lightyear #2: “Quick! Help me prop up Vegetable Man, or we’re done for!”

Buzz Lightyear #2: “It’s OK troops, the antigravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now let’s move!”
Mr. Potato Head: “Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.”

Wisdom:

Stinky Pete: “How long will it last, Woody? Do you really think Andy is going to take you to college, or on his honeymoon? Andy’s growing up, and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s your choice, Woody. You can go back, or you can stay with us and last forever. You’ll be adored by children for generations.”
Woody: “Who am I to break up the Roundup Gang?”

Buzz Lightyear: “Woody once risked his life to save mine, and I couldn’t call myself his friend if I wasn’t willing to do the same. Now who’s with me?”

Jessie: “You never forget kids like Emily, or Andy, but they forget you.”

Woody: “I have no choice, Buzz. This is my only chance. “
Buzz Lightyear: “To do what? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.”

Andy’s Mom: “I’m sorry, honey, but you know, toys don’t last forever.”

Jessie: “That was definitely Woody’s finest hour!”

Woody: “You’re right, Prospector. I can’t stop Andy from growing up… but I wouldn’t miss it for the world”.

Buzz Lightyear: “You still worried?”
Woody: “About Andy? Nah, it will be fun while it lasts.”
Buzz Lightyear: “I’m proud of you cowboy.”
Woody: “Besides, when it all ends I’ll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company – For infinity and beyond.”

Toy Story 3

Wit:

Buzz Lightyear: “Hold on, this is no time to be hysterical!”
Hamm: “This is the perfect time to be hysterical.”
Rex: “Should we be HYSTERICAL?”
Slinky Dog: “No!”
Mr. Potato Head: “Yes!”
Buzz Lightyear: “Maybe! But not right now!”

Ken: “Uh, folks, if you’ll just want to step right this way…”
Ken: “Hi, I’m Ken.”
Barbie: “Barbie. Have we ever met?”
Ken: “I would have remembered.”
Ken: “Love your leg wamers!”
Barbie: “Nice ascot!”

Woody: “Who’s “Velocistar237″…?”
Trixie: “Oh! That’s just a dinosaur toy down the street, that’s nothing, let just take care of that.”
Trixie: “It’s just a dinosaur!”
Woody: “All right…”

Ken: “Okay, now you start.”
Barbie: “I…”
Ken: “love…
Barbie: “you! Oh!”
Ken: “See? That time I said “love”! Okay, now me first.”
Barbie: “Ooh! Okay okay okay…”
Ken: “I…”
Barbie: “love…”
Ken: “you! You see what I mean? It changes every time!”
Barbie: “You are so smart!”

Woody: “Look, I just need to get out of here…”
Buttercup: “There is no way out!”
Buttercup: “Just kidding. Door’s right over there.”

Woody: “Guys, hey! Guys, look, I don’t know where I am…”
Trixie: “We’re either in a café in Paris or a coffee shop in New Jersey. I’m pretty sure I just came back from the doctor with life-changing news.”
Buttercup: “We do a lot of improv here. Just stay loose, have fun – you’ll be fine!”

Ken: “Barbie! Not the Nehru!”
Barbie: “This is from, what? 1967?”
Ken: “The Groovy Formal Collection, yes!”
Barbie: “What a shame.”

Mr. Potato Head: “It was cold and dark, nothing but sand and a couple of Lincoln Logs.”
Hamm: “Eh… I don’t think those were Lincoln Logs.”

Jessie: “Woody, we were wrong to leave Andy. I – I was wrong…”
Mr. Potato Head: “Jessie’s right, Woody. She was wrong.”

Buzz Lightyear: “That Barbie has nice handwriting!”
Jessie: “Uhh, Buzz? Barbie didn’t write this.”

Ken: “Barbie, come with me! Live in my Dream House! I know it’s crazy! I know we’ve just met! Aw, heck – you don’t know me from GI Joe. But when I look at you I feel like we were…”
Ken, Barbie: “…made for each other.”
Ken, Barbie: “[gasp]“
Barbie: “Yay!”

Wisdom:

Barbie: “Authority should derive from the consent of the governed, not from threat of force!”

Jessie: “I should have seen this coming! It’s Emily all over again!”

Mrs. Potato Head: “It’s a miracle!”
Mr. Potato Head: “And you wanted us to stay at Andy’s!”
Woody: “Because we’re Andy’s toys!”
Lotso: “So you got donated by this “Andy”, huh? Well it’s his loss, Sheriff. He can’t hurt you no more.”

Lotso: “When the kids get old, new ones come in. When they get old, new ones replace them. You’ll never be outgrown, or neglected. Never abandoned or forgotten. No owners means – no heartbreak!”

Lotso: “This is what happens when you dummies try to think! WE’RE ALL JUST TRASH WAITIN’ TO BE THROWN AWAY! THAT’S ALL A TOY IS!”
 

Mrs. Potato Head: “You saved our lives!”
Mr. Potato Head: “And *we* are eternally grateful!”
Mr. Potato Head: “My boys!”
Green Aliens: “Daaaaaady!”

Andy: “Now Woody, he’s been my pal for as long as I can remember. He’s brave, like a cowboy should be. And kind, and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special, is he’ll never give up on you… ever. He’ll be there for you, no matter what.”

Andy: “Thanks, guys.”

Woody:“So long… partner.”